Just a disclaimer, I am definitely not a psychologist (but I’m learning to become one lol) nor a love expert. I am just here sharing my own story and what I learned from it. I hope this will help you out a little bit or at least it will let you know that you are not alone. :)

First of all, I know exactly how you feel. I know that feeling when your stomach is in knots, when your heart is aching and when you feel like everything is shattering in front of your eyes, or at least the love you once had was shattered into a million pieces. It’s the same feeling for any kind of relationship, whether it was long or short, the pain you’re feeling is the pain of losing someone you care about. I want you to know that the pain you’re feeling is good. It’s good because it means that you actually put your best efforts into the relationship and that you did love it with all your heart. The pain is showing you that you are still a human, that you are still hopelessly romantic and that you are still optimistic about love. And I promise, this pain that you’re feeling will fade away with time.

I know it is really difficult. Anything you ever experienced for the first time will always bring the most emotion out of you. I remembered I went on this roller coaster of emotions for about a week after my break-up. I went from being panicked and confused to being so angry and frustrated to feeling guilty and ashamed, and then I finally got to gratitude at the end. My tears were falling out like a broken faucet. I was so mad at myself because I didn’t understand why I cried so much for a guy that I barely knew, a guy who was a complete stranger to me before I met him 2 years ago. Yet I also knew the exact reason why I cried. I cried because that day I lost someone that I was so sure would never want to leave my side. Throughout the relationship, he became my source of comfort and my biggest support system. When he left me, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness swallowed me. I never blamed him for leaving me, for a while, I was blaming myself. I was so fixated on all the reasons he was giving me, all the words that he said, but ultimately I know there is only one fundamental reason to why my relationship ended. I felt like we were in this stagnant position, he felt trapped, and he was exhausted. I spent tons of hours wondering why wouldn’t he stay and work on this problem with me; but at one point, I knew that I don’t want him to regret staying with me and to always wonder about what would happen if he did break up with me. I know that he was very confused and torn about the decision, and because I care so much about him, I know he had to do this for himself and I hope this decision will help him get to his clarity. I hope he will find happiness at the end of his journey. As for me, this is when I turned to my closest friends, you would be surprised at how your friends can fill up your emptiness and distract you from him. Also, this is when my feeling of gratitude kicked in as well, I was so thankful for all of my friends. I got a great chance to rekindle with my old friends and to create new friendships. It’s really easy to feel like you have lost everything when you’re experiencing a break-up, I learned to take some time every day to appreciate the things I have. The reason why I think going out and hanging out with friends is such a great idea is because I want you to see the wonderful things the world is offering you. Imagine all the amazing experiences you had with your ex, and he was just one person, now imagine all the experiences you could have with everyone else. Of course, I know you don’t want to think about being with anyone else but him, I just want you to think about being happy again. Another remedy for my broken heart was putting my focus onto my goals and my future. I forced myself to work a little bit on my goals every day, and at the end of the day, I felt very proud of myself. My ex told me once that self-love is extremely important in the process of healing, and I guess he was right.

I would also like to share some of the struggles I encountered for the first time after my break-up. Firstly, I hated going to bed (and I still do) because as soon as I woke up, the first thought popped into my head was that I lost him. And let me tell you, it was damn hard to get over that same thought EVERY SINGLE MORNING! Then I started to hate waking up, I just want to sleep forever because when you sleep, you don’t think. My conscious mind wouldn’t let me think of anything else but him and everything about him. I know right...How annoying… This is when working on the things I like helped a little. Another thing I was struggling a lot with was that I couldn’t listen to music for a while after we broke up. Somehow, any kind of music really provoke feelings within me. So instead of listening to music, I watched a lot of TED talks videos and comedy videos, which also blocked myself from hearing my own thoughts and I felt more at peace. The last thing I was struggling with a lot was that I couldn’t be alone in my apartment. Every corner and everything in it reminded me of him. Never had I thought loneliness could potentially drive you to the edge of craziness and impulsiveness. I was and am still so thankful of my friends who welcomed me into their houses and let me stay over.  

So at this point you probably wonder when is it going to get better? For me, I’m not even sure if I am healed completely. However, I do know that I am getting better and better every day. I also want you to know that in the end, it’s you who can help yourself overcome this hurtful event. It's you who loves yourself enough to not let go. I don’t entirely agree that time heals everything, I believe that with efforts and will-power you will get through anything over time. Break-ups are not fun, but I believe that this experience that you’re going through is going to help you grow into a better person. We all learn from experiences. Every experience, every person that comes into my life help shape me into a different person, and this is also a validation for my strength. This year, for the first time in a long time, I realized how strong I am.  

P.S. Thank you so much for reading! I know that my writing is not the best... This would have been just a short note written somewhere in my journal, but I wanted to share it as raw and un-edited as possible. Furthermore, one of my goals for the new year is to try and help people as much as I can, and I hope this post will bring comfort and serenity to those that need it. I hope you guys will enjoy this post and support my future posts!

Love,

Anh :)